The Results + What We Learned, 11/18/2013

If ever there were a familiar turn of phrase that perfectly described my current place in the fantasy sports nebula, it’s this…

Two steps forward, one step back.

Allow me to explain.

Consider, first, my final results opposite the indomitable Swaggy E:

Screen Shot 2013-11-18 at 9.08.54 AM

Seeing the Derrick Rosie O’Donnells is nothing new for me—not by a long shot. They got swept in Week 1, were drubbed 6-2 in Week 2 and now have a 7-1 near-white-washing in Week 3. In literal, mathematical terms, the D-RODs took two steps (points) forward from Week 1 to Week 2 and one step (point) back from Week 2 to Week 3.

With that recession comes the umpteenth realization that my fantasy team is (still) royally screwed. Nearly a third of my team has collapsed into habitual DNPs: Humpdashian only plays when Jared Sullinger gets hurt, Omer Asik is pining for a trade (presumably to the fjords), Alex Len‘s getting the cautious rookie treatment in Phoenix and Devin Harris has been hurt all year so far.

Any sane, reasonably committed fantasy team owner would look at that situation and immediately replace all (or at least some) of that deadweight with some useful parts. Even scraps off the waiver wire would likely suffice.

Believe you me, I’ve been tempted to make moves before and will be again. As committed as I am to the founding principles of The Lazy Man’s Guide to Fantasy Sports, I also enjoy winning.

Which, in some ways, I am. See, Sunday marked my 20th consecutive day of fantasy basketball without a single transaction.

No trades. No action on the wire. No nothin’. Just 20 days of riding with the same pack of schlubs that Otto Draaft bestowed upon me when I neglected to choose my team like everyone else some three-plus weeks ago.

That streak has become a point of pride, to the extent that it may be enough to keep me on my masochistic straight-and-narrow. Truth be told, it may be the only thing that can, the last saving grace in a season that now has me sitting at 3-21, sitting in the basement of not only my division:

Screen Shot 2013-11-18 at 9.33.27 AM

But also of my entire, 20-team league:

Screen Shot 2013-11-18 at 9.33.41 AM

If I’m gonna live in the basement, I might as well make the most of it. Maybe hang some decorations, bring in some cheap furniture, set up some activities to keep my occupied in the weeks and months to come.

I’ll call it “The Man Cave of Mediocrity.”

Won’t you join me there?

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