The Results 2/3/2014 + The Matchups 2/4/2014

This week, my Derrick Rosie O’Donnells are up against Grant Hughes’ creatively named Team Hughes—one of the few squads with a worse record than mine. He doesn’t have many heavy-hitters left, due in large part to Al Horford’s season-ending injury, though a healthy Deron Williams, a happy J.R. Smith and a starting Isaiah Thomas can all be serious threats, as they were on Monday night…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Team Hughes

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

As I hinted earlier, D-Will, J.R. and Thomas all came out to play on Monday. They combined for a whopping 70 points (30 from Smith), which, not surprisingly, gave Team Hughes the upper hand in scoring.

Not that my D-RODs didn’t come to play. Paul Pierce, Serge Ibaka and Nene had solid evenings. Devin Harris came out of nowhere to score 16 points in just 19 minutes. If not for Joakim Noah’s profanity-laced ejection and Terrence Ross’ bouts with youthful inconsistency, my squad might be in better position right now.

Then again, my D-RODs aren’t exactly off to a poor start. They’re tied a 4-4, with eminently bridgeable gaps in points, assists, three-pointers and field goal percentage standing between them and victory over Team Hughes.

Let’s see if Wednesday will yield some significant change in that regard…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Team Hughes

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ANALYSIS

A light evening of NBA action—there are just four games on the slate for Tuesday night—likely means there won’t be much movement on the scoreboard between now and Wednesday.

Or wouldn’t be, rather, if not for my D-RODs’ advantage in both simple math and skill. I’d expect the contributions of Goran Dragic and Joakim Noah to overwhelm those of Jordan Crawford, who’s averaged about six points and two assists in 15 minutes per game since joining the Golden State Warriors. Heck, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if Alex Len’s contributions for the Phoenix Suns outweighed those of Crawford for the Dubs.

But that’s why they play the games, right? We’ll see soon enough.

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The Results 2/2/2014 + What We Learned

Happy Hangover Day, America! Hope you’re all making it through this chilly Monday, made chillier by the mere mention of Pete Carroll’s name alongside those of Jimmy Johnson and Barry Switzer.

Like last night’s “game” between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos, my matchup with Dan Favale’s squad turned into a blowout of somewhat epic proportions…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

Neither of us had an active player in the lineup for Sunday’s lone tilt between the Boston Celtics and the Orlando Magic. Jameer Nelson stayed back in Orlando to rest his knee, while Kris Humphries spent the day tethered to my bench on account of my own negligence. Luckily, Humpdashian’s absence didn’t cost me on the cards since he didn’t so much as attempt a three-pointer, much less make one.

Had he stepped out a bit and been in my lineup, my Derrick Rosie O’Donnells would’ve secured their very first sweep of the season. Instead, we’ll have to settle for a 7-1 week, with 50 Shades stealing a point for Dan by way of a tie in three-pointers made.

Still, as Ice Cube might say, it was a good week. My D-RODs have now gone three weeks without a straight-up loss in a matchup. As a result, they’ve climbed firmly out of the basement of Bleacher Report’s fantasy basketball league, with three teams sporting sorrier records than mine.

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With any luck, my D-RODs will climb out of last place in the East and eventually (hopefully!) charge toward the .500 mark.

All while maintaining a transaction-less streak that’s going 60 days strong now.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I love how well the week turned out for my D-RODs, but we’re far from finished here. In the spirit of every sports cliche ever, let’s take it one step at a time…until we’ve walked our way to(ward) the top.

ONWARD AND UPWARD!

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The Results 1/30/2014 + The Matchups 1/31/2014

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

After taking a dominant 8-0 lead in the wake of a busy Wednesday, my D-RODs relinquished their lead in one category (field goal percentage) on a light Thursday night. I’d probably still be on track for a clean sweep of Dan Favale’s squad if not for the combined 0-fer from Alex Len and Alonzo Gee, who missed all six of the shots they took.

Not that I have much about which to complain. Even with the inaccuracy of those bit players, my D-RODs sit less than seven-tenths of a percentage point behind 50 Shades in field goal percentage. It certainly could’ve been worse had Goran Dragic not exploded for 28 points on 11-of-21 from the field against the Indiana Pacers. Without Dragic, my D-RODs would’ve had but a single point (from Gee) with which to combat the tandem 29-point performances from Carmelo Anthony and Tim Hardaway Jr.

With any luck—of which I’ve admittedly had a significant share this week—my 7-1 advantage will hold firm into the weekend, if not extend to within smelling distance of a clean sweep…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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ANALYSIS

Looks like I could be commemorating David Stern’s last official day as commissioner of the NBA with a fairly firm flattening of 50 Shades. The simple math advantage figures to flip to me on account of the injury-related absences of O.J. Mayo and Jeff Teague from Dan’s team.

My fivesome isn’t all that fearsome, what with Paul Pierce and Serge Ibaka doubling as the top contributors and all. But, next to Favale’s four-pack of Jimmer Fredette, J.J. Hickson, Marcus Thornton and J.J. Barea, I might as well be fielding the Western Conference All-Stars against a collection of D-League stragglers.

As much as I pity what could happen to 50 Shades after Friday’s eight games are through, I—as someone who’s spent most of the season toiling at the bottom of the standings—would tend to agree more with the sentiments of the Public News Team…

No mercy, indeed.

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The Results 1/28/2014 + The Matchups 1/29/2014

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

Not much change of which to speak from Monday to Tuesday. Dan Favale’s club pulled even in steals and mine pulled ahead in assists, so my D-RODs are still up 7-1 on the cards.

As it turns out, my concerns about losing the “simple math” battle were unfounded. Where my D-RODs “missed” the services of Alonzo Gee, 50 Shades of Aaron Gray had to press on with Amar’e Stoudemire, Earl Clark and Beno Udrih picking up DNPs. In the end, then, the simple math favored me 4-3.

As did most of the actual calculations. Boris Diaw’s huge night in the San Antonio Spurs’ loss to the Houston Rockets (22 points, 11 rebounds, four assists, two blocks) came in handy, as did Nene’s stat-sheet-stuff extravaganza (16 points, seven rebounds, two assists, two steals, one block) in the Washington Wizards’ surprising win over the Golden State Warriors.

Of course, Dan’s trio of Carmelo Anthony, Tim Duncan and Tim Hardaway Jr. was plenty productive, as well. As a result, we’ll head into Wednesday’s 11-game NBA slate with most of the board still largely up for grabs.

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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ANALYSIS

A busy night in the Association should be a boon for my beloved D-RODs. They’ll feature a complete lineup, with Paul Pierce as the lone member of my squad’s core enjoying the night off.

Dan, on the other hand, will have to make do with seven players in his holster; it would’ve been eight, but Jeff Teague won’t be active in light of the Pistons-Hawks game being postponed.

Good luck to him, but best of luck to my D-RODs…and a Happy Humpday to all!

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The Results 1/27/2014 + The Matchups 1/28/2014

It’s time for those of us here at The Lazy Man’s Guide to Fantasy Sports to dive head-first into the final week of January. This time, my Derrick Rosie O’Donnells find themselves up against Dan Favale’s 50 Shades of Aaron Gray, which leans heavily on the likes of Carmelo Anthony, Tim Duncan, Jeff Teague, O.J. Mayo and Amar’e Stoudemire (!!!) to stuff the stat sheet.

Of course, me so much as chuckling at someone else’s fantasy squad is equivalent to chucking a boulder through the side of a crystalline palace. I’m lucky to not be worse off in Bleacher Report’s fantasy league right now that I am with Joakim Noah, Paul Pierce, Goran Dragic, Serge Ibaka, Jameer Nelson and Nene doubling as my most productive players.

That being said, maybe I should be a bit cockier about my squad’s prospects after Monday’s proceedings…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

My D-RODs are off to a flying start…for once. Superb scoring efforts from Goran Dragic and Paul Pierce put me well ahead in points, three-pointers, field goal percentage and free throw percentage, while Serge Ibaka’s six-block performance against the Atlanta Hawks made my early advantage in swats a decisive one.

You’ll hear no complaints from me about a 7-1 advantage after Day 1, though it’s not entirely rock-solid. I’m up in steals by only a single theft, and Dan Favale’s squad needs just five more boards to force a tie in that category.

Still, whatever case of the Mondays I might’ve otherwise had melted away as soon as I saw those early returns.

Emphasis on “early.”

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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50 Shades of Aaron Gray

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ANALYSIS

Things figure to even out a bit between my D-RODs and Dan’s 50 Shades by the time tonight’s seven-game slate has come and gone. He’s got Carmelo Anthony and Tim Duncan on the docket, while I’ll have to rely on Jameer Nelson, Nene and Boris Diaw to carry the load for my team.

It doesn’t help my case, either, that the simple math favors Dan’s team to the extent that it does. He’s got six to my five, but Alonzo Gee, who’s played all of 49 minutes since Christmas, might as well not count at this point.

I can only hope, then, that 50 Shades won’t make up too much grounds on my D-RODs tonight. Then again, the week is young, with so many battles yet to be lost and won.

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The Results 1/26/2014 + What We Learned

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Victor’s Oladipbros

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

My D-RODs came close—oh so friggin’ close—to securing not only their third winning week of the season, but their second in a row!

Once again, they were denied that distinct privilege by whatever scoring system is in place in Bleacher Report’s fantasy league. Alec Nathan and I tied in steals, though his Oladipbros were awarded the category over my beloved D-RODs.

Still, I can’t say I’m displeased with the result. My squad started the week at a significant disadvantage, but managed to fight back to a point where a victory on the scoreboard seemed a distinct possibility.

Better yet, I’m no longer even in a tie for last place in the B/R league!

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D.J. Foster’s injury-riddled club is now in sole possession of the basement. With any luck, my D-RODs will soon work their way out of the bottom three, with but a game separating me from Team Hughes and Big State.

Onward and upward.

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The Results 1/24/2014 + The Matchups 1/25/2014

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Victor’s Oladipbros

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

I’m not sure if my D-RODs have ever had a better night than the one they put together on Friday. All but one (Kris Humphries) scored in double figures, with three (Serge Ibaka, Jameer Nelson and Boris Diaw) topping the 20-point plateau. As a result, my D-RODs have pulled ahead of the Oladipbros on the scoreboard, thanks to a surge in field goal percentage.

With a narrow enough gap on free throw percentage to put my team in position to steal a sixth category.

Diaw, in particular, has been a fantastic surprise of late. With his San Antonio Spurs teammates dropping like flies, Diaw has risen to the occasion to score 14 or more points in three of his last four games. In the absence of any true superstars, it’s under-the-radar studs like Diaw who’ve kept my fledgling fantasy basketball team afloat.

Who might be next to step up to the plate on my behalf?

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Victor’s Oladipbros

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ANALYSIS

Looks like Terrence Ross will be tasked with shocking the world for my D-RODs on Saturday. Only four of my players will be taking the court for tonight’s eight-game slate, three of whom (Ibaka, Nene, Joakim Noah) already rank among my top contributors.

The efforts of those three bigs on the boards will be crucial to fending off hard charges from Kevin Love and Taj Gibson in the rebounding category. I fully expect Alec Nathan’s squad to extend its already insurmountable leads in points and three-pointers tonight.

But, with any luck, my D-RODs should hold the fort in the five categories they already own, with an eye toward stealing a sixth (free throw percentage) before the weekend is through.

GO D-RODs!!!

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