Tag Archives: Joakim Noah

The Results 2/11/2014 + The Matchups 2/12/2014

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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The Aggressive Layups

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday, I was freakin’ out about getting smacked around by Adam Fromal’s Aggressive Layups. Today, my Derrick Rosie O’Donnells own a 7-1 advantage, with the Layups hanging on by the thread of a tie in steals.

Big ups to Goran Dragic and Nene, whose tricky fingers combined for seven steals in addition to their double-digit scoring efforts. The biggest “thanks” of all, though, belongs to Joakim Noah, who stuffed the stat sheet with a triple-double (19 points, 16 rebounds, 11 assists) in addition to his three blocks.

As great as Tuesday was for my D-RODs, Wednesday could be tough on my prospects of securing a third straight winning week, if Adam’s lineup is any indication…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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The Aggressive Layups

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ANALYSIS

It’s pretty much now-or-never for both of our teams. Tonight will feature the last full slate of games (13 in all) before the NBA’s annual All-Star break. Thursday’s TNT double-header could affect things on the margins, though I certainly toss all my eggs into that rather tiny basket.

Then again, it probably wouldn’t be the worst idea for me to hold out some hope for a savior or two on Thursday. My D-RODs are at a simple math advantage and only figure to slip further when factoring in the non-entity otherwise known as Alonzo Gee. On the flip side, Fromal has a full complement of players at his disposal, including All-Stars Blake Griffin and John Wall.

If my D-RODs are to hold the fort tonight, they’ll need big games from some surprising sources—I’m looking at you, Jameer Nelson/Boris Diaw/Terrence Ross/Paul Pierce—to keep the numbers steady and put me on track for a short-but-sweet week.

P.S. For those of you whose minds are properly located in the proverbial gutter, today marks Day No. 69 of my current “No Transactions!” streak. You’re welcome.

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The Results 2/4/2014 + The Matchups 2/5/2014

Before we get started, it’s come to my attention that my opponent for the week, Grant Hughes, is infinitely lazier than I am when it comes to this whole fantasy basketball thing.

As such, I’ve made it my mission to remind him of his “obligations” to the world of fantasy sports—and I hope you all will too…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Team Hughes

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

To that end, my D-RODs still have some work to do. They’re still tied with Team Hughes, 4-4, after swapping leads in points and free throw percentage on Tuesday night. I’d be more upset at Goran Dragic for missing half of his freebies if not for the fact that his 24 points practically put my squad ahead in that category.

It helped, too, that Team Hughes had but a single bucket from Jordan Crawford to account for its scoring. Crawford’s four assists were enough to extend Hughes’ advantage in that category, just as the 21 rebounds between Dragic and Joakim Noah put me well ahead on the boards.

Now that we’re all caught up, let’s see what a busy night has in store for this meeting of the lazy minds…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Team Hughes

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ANALYSIS

The simple math has me out ahead for the evening, 10-8, though the inclusion of Alonzo Gee and Alex Len therein could pare that down a bit. Jameer Nelson’s return from a sore knee should help my D-RODs creep up in assists and, perhaps, gain some ground in three-pointers.

And if everyone else does a better job of converting their field goals and free throws, my D-RODs should be well on their way to another winning week.

Happy Humpday, all!

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The Results 1/18/2014 + The Matchups 1/19/2014

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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The Pipe

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

Another day, another point on the scoreboard siphoned away by The Pipe.

On Friday, Josh Cohen’s squad snagged the lead in three-pointers from me, thanks in no small part to Wilson Chandler’s five treys, and seized clear control of the boards, with Pau Gasol and Jonas Valanciunas both registering double-digit rebounds.

Fortunately, my gutty little D-RODs made some headway in field goal percentage, narrowing The Pipe’s advantage to a measly .0032, and are only one behind on threes at the start of Saturday’s eight-game slate in the NBA. Unfortunately, it looks like my team is going to get demolished anyway…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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The Pipe

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ANALYSIS

Please, basketball gods, inspire Joakim Noah and Nene to have the games of their frickin’ lives today!

Otherwise, my D-RODs are going to get demolished by The Pipe’s eight-man contingent.

The simple math is bad on my end, folks. I’m holding out hope for a miracle today (and tomorrow), but I’d be the last person surprised to see a winning week well out of reach for my D-RODs by the time the final buzzer sounds tonight.

And that makes me a saaaaaaaaad Paaaanda.

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Why I’ve Been Away + The Results, 1/1/2014 + The Matchups, 1/2/2014

For those of you who missed me and/or wondered why I hadn’t updated The Lazy Man’s Guide to Fantasy Sports, it’s been a hectic week around here, to say the least. The usual craziness of the holidays and all the hoopla surrounding New Year’s Eve would be reason enough to have contributed only lightly to the blogosphere over the past few days.

Unfortunately, my absence was on account of much more tragic news. A friend of mine passed away as a result of a hit-and-run. He was a charismatic, creative and engaging person who touched the lives of so many during the all-too-brief time he spent on this Earth. As jarring as it might be for me to come to grips with his absence and consider my only mortality in a new light, I can’t even imagine what his family is going through right now.

It’s to this silly blog that I often turn as a reprieve from my daily grind and from whatever minor inconveniences may result. I can only hope that writing here now will bring some peace of mind.

On a much lighter note, let me get y’all caught up on what’s been happening with the Derrick Rosie O’Donnells.

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Ames Black Falcons

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

We finished off Week 9 against the Ames Black Falcons a so-so 3-5 (!!). We were close in free throw percentage and steals, but close won’t get you anywhere in the rough-and-tumble world of fantasy basketball.

Speaking of which, is momentum even a thing in fantasy basketball? If it is, it would appear to be on my side (for the time being) in my rematch with Joel Cordes’ Rhymes with Antetokounpo:

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Rhymes With Antetokounpo

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

It’s Thursday and I have a 5-3 lead.

I know, I can’t believe it, either. I’d be just as surprised if it lasted much longer. After all, Joel’s team made up quite a bit of ground on Wednesday, in large part because I had but two players (Terrence Ross and Nene) who were active that evening.

Let’s see how things might shift on Thursday, shall we?

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Rhymes With Antetokounpo

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ANALYSIS

We’re even on the “basic math” level, which means tonight’s results will come down to whose team is more productive overall.

(Isn’t that always the case, though?)

I’m interested to see what Serge Ibaka and Joakim Noah can do against the limited front lines of the Brooklyn Nets and the Boston Celtics, respectively. Ibaka went for a solid 17-4 with three blocks in his last outing against the Portland Trail Blazers, but hasn’t been doing much in the way of rebounding lately, he’s averaged just 5.4 per game over his last five. Luckily, Noah, who nabbed 16 boards his last time out, should be able to make up for that if need be.

And I’ll need every carom I can get, what with my D-RODs down 27 in rebounds right now.

As for the rest, productive nights from Goran Dragic and Jameer Nelson would go a long way toward extending my lead in points and digging into Joel’s in assists.

We’ll see how things shake out from an unusually busy Thursday night on the NBA calendar.

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The Results, 12/26/2013 + The Matchups, 12/27/2013

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Ames Black Falcons

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

I s’pose no news is good news for my D-RODs. They finished Christmas tied 4-4 with the Ames Black Falcons and find themselves in the same deadlock heading into the weekend.

I must say, though, I’m thankful for Chris Paul—which is a tough thing for me to say, since I’m a Los Angeles Lakers fan by birth and was devastated when “basketball reasons” became a thing. On this night, at least, CP3 made up for it by making Damian Lillard work hard on both ends, to the point that the reigning Rookie of the Year finished with a modest 14 points, five rebounds and four assists in the Portland Trail Blazers‘ thrilling overtime win against the Los Angeles Clippers.

Will my D-RODs hold the fort tonight? Might they even make some headway in, say, steals? Or will Grant Rindner’s squad gain on mine in the few places where it’s holding strong?

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Ames Black Falcons

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ANALYSIS

Frankly, I like my chances at a decent night on Friday. All of my top performers, save for Joakim Noah, are in action tonight. As productive as Arron Afflalo, Al Jefferson and Harrison Barnes have been for the Black Falcons, they’re still nobody’s idea of world-beaters.

But before I dig myself a deeper karmic hole, I’m going to bite my tongue and let the games play out. Check back tomorrow to see how my D-RODs fared!

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The Matchups, 12/16/2013

Another week, another rematch, this time against Bleacher Report NBA editor and fellow Gr818 product Ethan Norof’s Swaggy E squad. Last time around, Ethan’s team wiped the floor with mine to the tune of a 7-1 stomping.

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Thank the fantasy basketball gods for field goal percentage.

Anyhoo, here’s a look at our lineups for Monday night:

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Swaggy E

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ANALYSIS

The pieces are there for the Derrick Rosie O’Donnells to parlay their first winning week into a strong start on Monday. Five of my D-RODs will be participating in tonight’s eight-game slate, including Joakim Noah and Jameer Nelson, two of my top performers.

On the other hand, Kris Humphries hasn’t played since last Tuesday, and I doubt he’ll log many (if any) minutes during the Boston Celtics‘ swing against the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Then again, it’s not as though Swaggy E’s got a bunch of world-beaters on its side.

Assuming, of course, that nobody—between Martell Webster, Enes Kanter and Shawne Williams—comes up with the game of his life…

*knocks on wood*

Better yet, Nene is expected to be back in action for the Washington Wizards on Wednesday. That should mean more points and rebounds for meeeeeee!!!

We sure could use the help. After all, Ethan has Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook on his side…

Happy Monday, all. And GO D-RODs!

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The Results, 12/13/2013 + The Matchups, 12/14/2013

For whatever reason, I’ve always found Friday the 13th to be a lucky day rather than an unlucky day, and, boy, was that the case this year…for my D-RODs, anyway…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Chicken Bargnani Heroes

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Matchup Scoreboard

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ANALYSIS

Somebody pinch me…please. I must be dreaming, because I’M UP 7-1 HEADING INTO SATURDAY!!! Heck, Wass is lucky that Kyle Lowry dished out 11 dimes last night. Otherwise, I’d be on track for a CLEAN SWEEEEEP!

BROOOOM SHAKA LAKA!!!

Okay, okay, I should probably relax a bit here. After all, my leads in blocks and steals are pretty tenuous, and any slip-ups between now and Sunday could cost me dearly.

Forgive me, though, if I’m overcome by the urge to sing and shout with joy like a pale prince trapped in a swamp castle. I’ve been swept myself, so I know all too well the feeling of shame and embarrassment that comes with getting rocked by circumstances that, by and large, are beyond my actual control.

At this point, a win of any kind would be great. I’ve waited a month-and-a-half to taste that sweet, sweet nectar of scoreboard victory. Let’s see if I can inch that much closer to that bit of glory on Saturday…

The Derrick Rosie O’Donnells

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Chicken Bargnani Heroes

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ANALYSIS

I’ve only got four guys slated to play for sure during Saturday’s eight-game slate. Nene (foot) missed the Washington Wizards‘ overtime loss to the Atlanta Hawks on Friday, but could be back in time to take on the Los Angeles Clippers today.

I won’t hold my breath on Nene’s account, though.

Chances are, Wass’ lead in assists will only grow today. He’s got two point guards going (Lowry and Tony Wroten) as opposed to none on my account. I can only hope that Joakim Noah and Boris Diaw, both willing passers, drop a few dimes in their respective games.

Otherwise, my D-RODs should be able to maintain an advantage of some sort on the cards heading into Sunday’s finale.

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